Chelsea, Newcastle and the battle for a Europa Conference League spot | Soccer

DESTINED FOR MEDIOCRITY

When Uefa launched the Europa Conference League in 2021, a wave of excitement swept across Europe. While most in England groaned like Brenda from Bristol at the thought of another football competition, those in Greece, Czech Republic, Scotland, and Hungary all initially rejoiced at the idea of an attainable tournament, a safe space blissfully free from state-level wealth and tedious billionaires.

“We want to make our competitions more inclusive – to give clubs and fans the chance to dream and compete for European honours,” roared Aleksander Ceferin, chief Uefa suit, when launching the Conference League. “We have 55 national associations who make up Uefa and it is important to give clubs from as many federations as possible the chance to prolong their European campaigns for as long as possible.” If it doesn’t sound like Ceferin was hoping the competition would be dominated by average (but rich) English clubs, it’s because he wasn’t. But that’s exactly what has happened. West Ham, comfortably the wealthiest team in last year’s campaign, just about tripped over the finish line in last year’s final, with Lucas Paquetá providing the winning assist. Well done, he’s £50m.

This year, Aston Villa – a club that has the luxury of regularly leaving their £51.9m record signing, Moussa Diaby, on the bench – are the odds-on favourites. So while European glory for them and West Ham is well overdue, their celebrations are not unlike Prime Michael Owen smashing a point-blank volley past a helpless 13-year-old keeper, before wheeling away to the corner flag, cupping his ear at Neville Southall.

All of which is a very long-winded way of setting up Monday’s Premier League match between fairly average (but rich) English clubs Chelsea and Newcastle, who have nothing to play for in the Premier League apart from qualification for the Conference League, which could yet be achieved from as low as eighth. With Newcastle 10th and Chelsea 11th, this is a timely reminder to both clubs that there is still time to emulate West Ham and (presumably) Aston Villa by smashing the living daylights out of some poor European minnows in the Conference League group stages next season! Hurrah!

Both Chelsea and Newcastle have injuries. Blues manager Mauricio Pochettino, flanked by an orchestra of tiny violins, might even have to resort to playing £20m signing Carney Chukwuemeka, who hasn’t started a game since August. Newcastle, who have won one league game at Stamford Bridge in the past 38 years, also have issues: Joelinton, Nick Pope, Callum Wilson and captain Kieran Trippier are all sidelined, and Lewis Hall unavailable against his parent club. Harvey Barnes might even get a game. How will Eddie Howe cope with it all?

Too rich for relegation and apparently too pants for Big Cup or Euro Vase, the only thing one can say with certainty is that this is a coming together of two clubs destined for mediocrity this season. As Football Daily desperately tries to inject some meaning and jeopardy into proceedings, please remember that either side could yet enjoy some Conference-flavoured glory next season. A green light at the end of a dark, dingy tunnel. Tune in for our MBM tonight!

 LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Michael Butler at 8pm GMT for red-hot minute-by-minute updates on Chelsea 0-0 Newcastle.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I went on to the pitch to try and stop my players being sent off as Verona were provoking us a lot in the final moments of the match and after the final whistle … It wasn’t a nice thing to do, I know that. It’s inexcusable and I’ve been to explain my actions to Verona. I didn’t come on the pitch to do that”  – Lecce manager Roberto D’Aversa explains why he stuck the nut on Verona striker Thomas Henry after their Serie A fixture on Sunday. On Monday Lecce sacked him.

“Yesterday’s glitzy proceedings sure lived up to the hype. The Maestro served up moments of Doku drama in The Zone of Interest, but the perhaps the night’s biggest plaudits went to Kloppenheimer” – Peter Oh

“Thanks for suggesting in Friday’s daily that Liverpool and Man City need to look out for Arsenal’s title challenge. It reminded me of the good old Fiver days circa 2010 when you were funny. I hope the jokes will continue” – Neale Redington.

“Jon Milard’s letter on Friday reminded me of Hunter Davies’ great book and his writing of Tottenham’s latest innovation at that time — the tumble drier! This meant the sweaty jerseys weren’t wet after lunch, the author explained. Talk about marginal gains. I bet Sir David, Sir Jim and Lord Seb are plotting to introduce them at Man U as I type this” – Stephen Nimmo

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Peter Oh.